Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I want to be your penis for a week.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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