I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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