Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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