brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
