Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
