I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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