you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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