P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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