Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
