The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
