Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
