just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
