I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
