I think I won the penis lottery.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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