Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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