don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
