My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just invented taco cereal.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
