Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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