i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
