bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
