i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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