You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's never too late to be topless.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
