Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
