There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
