ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I did not marry a roomba.
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