so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
