i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
