We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
