Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
