running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We are two peas in an std pod
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
