I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
