Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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