lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
