I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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