That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
