You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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