The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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