he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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