video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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