i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
