oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
