I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
