AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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