someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
