i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
