this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
