Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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