I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
