Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize