I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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