fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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