it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
