I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
