He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
