I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize