I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
