come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
