i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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