Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
